Gossip

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Gossip according to Webster: a person who chatters or repeats idle talk and rumors, especially about the private affairs of others.  To be a gossip; indulge in idle talk or rumors about others.

Everyone gossips at one time or another.  This is a fact.  We are social human beings and part of socialization is to talk about others.  It is in our nature if you will.  People sharing information about one another is part of what our society does.  The news is full of gossip.

The Good:  Everyone at one time or another becomes a gossip.  We share the new we have heard about someone with someone else.  That news could be the good things that we have heard.  For instance:  "Mary and Frank are getting married.  John is graduating with a Masters in Psychology.  Bill is becoming a pilot.  Jane is receiving an award for her talent.

The Bad:  That news could be the bad or sad things that we have heard.  "Arthur dies last month of a heart attack.  Betty is having major surgery on her brain.  Bill and Becky are getting a divorce.  Michael is very sad and depressed.  Amy is grieving the death of her father."

The Ugly:  That news could be the ugly things we have heard.  "Betty has a drinking problem.  Derrick is a cheater and runs around on his wife.  Abby is doing drugs and has been in jail.  Robert lies, cheats and steals from his employer.  Becky is a slut and sleeps with everyone.  Jason can't be trusted.  Ugly gossip can hurt the reputation of the person being talked about.

Which kind of gossip is positive?  Which kind of gossip is negative?  Which kind of gossip can hurt one's reputation?

Some important questions to ask yourself before you gossip is:  "has this person told me to keep this confidential?"  "Will this person be upset that I am sharing this news with others?"  "Will this hurt the person I am talking about?"  If the answer is yes to any of these questions then you may need to reevaluate the need to spread the word.  Ask yourself, "What is my intent in spreading the word on this person?"  If the answer is just to talk or for conversation, then find other topics of conversation - like a book, a movie, a meal, a Holiday, a vacation, a season, etc.  Talking about other people in a negative way is not the way to converse and build a positive image.  The person that gossips with the ugly gossip is sometimes the one that looks ugly to others. Sometimes spreading ugly gossip makes some people look at the person that is spreading the gossip as a person that has some of the following issues:  negative attitude, jealousy, cruelty, anger, hate, rejection issues, and low self-esteem.

Remember this:  Anytime you spread ugly gossip about someone you are at risk of becoming ugly in other people's eyes.   The person listening to the "ugly" gossip may be thinking this about you: "This person has a lot of problems.  This person is very negative.  This person is a real jerk.  I don't want to associate with this person again."  Some people walk away from a person that has spread ugly gossip thinking less of the person that spread the gossip than of the person that is being talked about.  Always review your "intent" before spreading the word.

See article How to Make a Good First Impression