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Trash or Treasure
"One Man's Trash is another
Man's Treasure"
Research has shown that we
often see in others what we expect to see. People tend to behave the
way we expect them to, because we influence their behavior, not just our
own. We "pull" from others the behavior that is consistent with what
we expect. Mind reading occurs when you assume that you know what a
person is thinking or feeling. This kind of expectation becomes a
filter that distorts
communication. Studies show that expectations not only affect our
perceptions but also can influence the behavior of others.
If you have dated and/or
become acquainted with someone and you didn't like the person you were with
it doesn't mean that the person is "bad" or "wrong". It may mean you
did not "click" or have a positive experience. They might fall into
your 25% of people that you don't like and that don't like you. It is
very harmful to you and the person you were with to spread the word about
your bad experience. Making a judgment and spreading the word could
harm the reputation of that person. We are individuals and act and
react to other individuals in different ways and in different circumstances.
Divorced people who remarry
certainly would not have married their new partner's if they had listened to
the partner's ex or the ex's point of view about this person. They
waited and formed their own opinions about each other and then judged the
person by how they were treated.
Listening to other people's
opinions about a person's character and/or personality can be more harmful
than helpful. If you meet this person with preconceived ideas about
their character and personality you will more than likely draw the behavior
from them that you expected to see.
Always trust your intuition
when meeting other people. If you gut tells you a certain person is
not someone you want to get to know better or be around then trust your
instinct. If you have no intuitive thoughts about a person, then
staying open-minded and not believing everything you hear about a person is
a more positive approach. You can choose to wait and form your own
judgments and opinions after getting to know someone without listening to
idle gossip.
See article on
Filters and What to do about
them and Gossip
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