Make a Good "First
Impression"
There are two modern
myths about first impressions. Read here how to create a far better
impression that will last for a lifetime.
First Impression Myth 1:
Much of what is written
talks about how you should appear and act the first time you meet someone
because that is where they will form their first impression of you. That is
a myth.
The first time someone
actually meets you face to face is the when they will form their second,
third or fourth impression of you.
First, second and third impressions may be
formed this way:
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In social settings |
In business settings |
- Watching you
across the room
- The expression on
someone’s face as they see you
- A whisper in an
ear about you
- What you do or
don’t do with alcohol, cigarettes or drugs
- What you have
posted on the Internet social sites
- What someone else
posted
- Where you are and
are not
- A comment by
someone who has heard of you
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- A recommendation
(hot, cold, neutral, not forthcoming)
- A phone call on
your behalf
- A comment by
someone who has heard of you
- A Google search of
your name
- A remembered
conversation
- A rumor
- A news article
- Who you associate
with
- Your employment
history
- Your educational
history
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The “word” about who you
are spreads out around you like an ever-expanding electronic and human cloud
of contacts.
By the time you reach out
to shake a hand or pitch your pick-up line, your target has already formed
an impression as to how likely they are to believe what you are selling at
that moment. If they believe you, if your actions and history and words are
all consistent, they are more likely to accept your impression as the one
you want them to have. Good.
So if you want to have
people believe at any moment that you are nice, likeable, trustworthy
person, you probably should have been living that way. And that leads us to
First Impression Myth 2.
First Impression Myth 2:
The saying is:
“You only get one chance to make a first impression.”
I’m going to challenge
that by rewording it: “You get only one chance to
deliver your first impression but you get a lifetime to create it.”
Everyone writing about
first impressions seems to focus on how to look and act:
- Your handshake
- Your greeting
- Your smile
- The clothes you wear
- How you stand
- Your body language
- Your accent
- Your words
The problem is that these
are just elements of delivery that any actor can polish and perform. They
are not you but just representations of how you are acting.
People are expected or
expecting to determine from these behaviors who you really are:
- Your honesty
- Your principles
- Your values
- Your personality
- Your knowledge
- Your skills
- Your character
The issue is that your
delivery may only give them some hint of who you are. Yes, it is good
to practice and be
polished. But, in the end, it is your daily living that creates your
basic principles, values and character that will show through whatever act,
however good or bad, and determine how people ultimately regard you.
So if you want to
consistently make a good first impression:
-
Be of good character
-
Hold yourself to high standards
-
Associate with others who do as well
-
Strive for continuous self improvement
-
Listen more than you speak
-
Maintain a positive attitude
In the end, you will not
have to act to make a good first impression, either your reputation will
have already made it for you or those of an astute nature will discern your
character soon enough. It has been a long time since I’ve read Benjamin
Franklin’s work but I imagine that he might approve.
“You get only one chance to deliver your first
impression but you get a lifetime to create it.” S. C. Martin
2008
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