Why can't I hang onto any friends? Why doesn't anybody like me?
If you have ever felt this way, the answer may lie in the way you phrased the initial question. Think about it: does anyone want to be friends with someone who "hangs onto" you? Would you like that, if someone did it to you? Probably not.
Most friendships work best when there is a give-and-take ease between the parties, when each person feels respected and paid attention to in the course of the relationship. Friendship isn't just about having someone there when you need them, it is about truly being there for the other person when they need you.
Follow these few steps to become a better friend:
1) When you get together with your friends, try letting them unload first. Give them the opportunity to tell you what's been on their minds lately, rather than jumping in immediately to talk about yourself. One of the most treasured qualities in a good friend is the ability to listen to what the other person has to say.
2) Remember dates and times that are important to the other person -- birthdays, or the birthdays of their children, for example, or their anniversaries. Take time to write such dates in your calendar, and use them as a time to let your friends know you are thinking about what is special or important to them.
3) When thinking about contacts between you and your friends -- don't keep score. No one likes the feeling that they will be punished with stoney silence or sarcasm the next time they speak with you because you called last. Who cares which person made the most recent phone call, after all? Isn't the whole point that you have a friend in your life and you want to speak to them, regardless of who places the phone call? Tactics like score keeping about social niceties can cause people to withdraw -- or drop you completely.
We all need the ease and communion of friends in our lives. Open your mind and your heart, and see what your friendships can teach you.
