|
|
|
|
Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone you care about, trying to make the other person understand you, only to see by the look on their face that you might as well be speaking Martian? While there is some comfort in knowing you are not the only one in the world ever to feel this way, it doesn't help you much when you are in the thick of it with someone else.
Whether the relationship is with a friend or
spouse, a parent or child, a brother or sister, or even a co-worker,
the challenge is the same. How do you respect the other person's identity
and uniqueness in a turning point conversation while holding onto your
own?
In moments like these, it helps to remember
that different personalities have different relationship styles. To learn
how to recognize your style as well as those of people you know, take the
following short quiz.
Whatever your personal relationship style,
it is wise to remember that others may not necessarily be on the same
wavelength as you at any given point in time. When communication stalls,
remember that the person you are trying to reach may be focused on
something different from the point you are trying to make. Imagine
yourself in their circumstances for a moment, and let go of making your
point long enough to truly see things from the other person's
perspective. If you understand what is important to them, it becomes
easier for them to see what is important to you. See more detail
about each color below.
Running with Crayons,
by Phoebe Fox
Have you ever attended one of those
seminars that attempts to explain the people around you by dividing
everyone in the world into four groups? Go to enough of them, and it
can become difficult to meet new people without trying to decide which
group they fall into.
See if you recognize yourself or anyone
you know in the following colors:
Purple: This type prefers to work in
groups rather than alone, and is good at reaching consensus and building
coalitions. Purples make excellent negotiators. Tell a Purple what is
important to you, and they will most likely remember it. Purples do not
enjoy open confrontation in their personal relationships, and for this
reason are more likely to be passive aggressive when feeling thwarted.
Generous almost to a fault, Purples want everyone in their sphere to
feel cared for and comforted. Purples tend to focus on others, and may
feel guilty about rewarding themselves in meaningful ways. Purples
thrive on humor, so if you have a difficult message to convey to a
Purple try delivering it in a witty way. The laughs will get you over
the rough part, and spare the Purple's tender feelings. Purples are
highly compassionate and make good caregivers. Key word: Harmony.
Green: This type is most comfortable
performing their duties proficiently and staying out of other people's
business. Greens are willing to help, however, as long as the task
allows them to use skills and abilities they already possess. Greens
make excellent team members, willing to do their part fully without
feeling the need to take charge. Greens love nature and the
environment, and are more likely to consistently recycle than any other
type. They are also the most likely to wear Birkenstocks or Earth Shoes
in the workplace. Greens prefer everyone to get along, and will do
almost anything rather than argue. Interested in how things work,
Greens pursue several hobbies or activities over a lifetime. In a
conflict, find a way to ask a Green for help and you will soon be on
your way to a solving the problem. Key word: Individuality.
Orange:
This type prefers action to
contemplation, planning rather than waiting for events to shape
themselves. Highly competitive, Oranges can push a conversation to the
point of conflict without seeming to realize they are doing it. Oranges
prefer people to say what they mean and mean what they say. Oranges
also expect others to live up to a commitment and carry it out to the
last degree. Fail to do so to an Orange's satisfaction, and they will
write you off and color you gone. Oranges are devoted to the truth, as
long as it is about the other guy. While showing little tolerance for
the shortcomings of others, Oranges have a tough time admitting their
own. Highly sensitive about their own feelings and abilities, Oranges
are their own worst critics. Other people may make mistakes, but
oranges prefer to keep theirs a secret. They seem comfortable admitting
to an error only after they have a chance to correct it first, and then
catch you making the same mistake. The worst thing you can do to an
Orange is to discover a way in which they are not perfect and then point
it out to them. Often perceived as intimidating by others, Oranges are
exceedingly loyal, however. If you need to get a tough job organized
and carried out quickly and efficiently, ask an Orange to handle the
project. Key word: Duty.
Pink: This type gets along with
practically everyone on some level, primarily because Pinks truly enjoy
getting to know others. Pinks are good at conflict resolution because
they take the time to know what is important to the other person, making
Pinks able to present options for resolution that others will find
appealing. Pinks seek to understand what is really going on, and in
conflict they do not seem to care whose feathers are flying -- theirs or
anyone else's -- in their headlong pursuit of the truth. Pinks rarely
take things personally that do not apply to them, and they do not hold a
grudge. Pinks have a knack for seeing through the motives of others,
often leaving the other person feeling exposed and
transparent. Pinks are excellent communicators with both the written
and spoken word. Pinks are often extremely witty and intelligent, and
will make any conversation lively. Pinks can quickly become bored with
the routine or the mundane, so it is best if they have several outlets
for all of that creative energy. Sometimes Pinks require help
in learning to balance their creative abilities with other areas of
their lives. Key word: Freedom.
While it can be amusing to see ourselves
or those we know in such a clearly divided manner, the human spectrum is
much too intricate and vast to fit inside such a construct. The true
purpose of these tools is to open our own eyes to the differences
between ourselves and our loved ones so that we learn to accept each
other for the unique individuals we are without denying the other person
their individuality and uniqueness. Our ability to understand and
accept another's quirks and differences makes us more forgiving,
with ourselves as well as others. Remember that forgiveness is one of
the most difficult and challenging lessons for human beings to learn
because it runs contrary to our baser instinct to exact revenge and
retribution when we feel harmed or wronged.
Strong relationships are not built on high
times, easy money, and plenty of excess. Steel becomes stronger when it
is exposed to intense heat, tempered and tested. Relationships are no
different. In moments of challenge we learn who will stand with us, and
who will fold like a cheap accordion. Those lessons can be worth their
weight in gold later in life.
This week, extend to those around you the
stretched out hand of tolerance. Bestow upon them the grace of
forgiveness when they disappoint you. Keep in mind that what goes
around, comes around.
What we share with others, we call back to
ourselves. And it works both ways.
For more relationship quizzes click here
|
|
|
(c) 1996 - 2012 The Positive Way®, All rights reserved. Celebrating 16 years of service.
|
