We are not communicating
Dear Positive Way, My
Husband & I. are not communicating. lack of intimacy. No romance and even
less sex than ever. He keeps stonewalling. All the time. Daily. We only
speak what's necessary, usually comment about the news, work and other
issues not related to us as a couple. The way we relate to each other.
Everything there is to know. Is this normal, is there somebody else, what's
really going on? Signed It'sMeAgain, age 40
Dear It'sMeAgain, Yes, this is more normal than most couples would
admit. Over time people get lost in their own thoughts and miss out on
the opportunity to communicate on a deeper level with their partner.
Here are some thoughts for you to consider.
1.Your partner may be experiencing depression
and therefore has no energy or interest in anything else. Depression
is quite common for adult men as they age. He may be having problems
with functioning well sexually and that leads to more disappointment in
himself and the depression takes over.
2. I would suggest you set up a meeting
with him where there is no interruption. Please read our article
Express and Own Your Feelings before having this
meeting. Keep the meeting short and to the point and only discuss the idea
that you feel he may be experiencing some depression and ask if he thinks
that is true. Suggest that he see the family physician. Offer
your help and assistance in anyway he would like.
3. Don't accuse or point the finger.
Approach him in the most loving way possible and show concern and empathy.
For now, assume it is depression and don't take anything personally.
Depression is very treatable. There
is also a great herb over the counter called St. John's Wort that can help
lighten the depression and allow the person to start feeling again.
Check with you Doctor about this even if your husband doesn't want to see a
doctor himself. When a person is depressed it is very difficult for
them to take any kind of action themselves and you may have to do it for
him.
For now I would suggest you approach this
problem as depression and see what happens from there.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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