Relationship Issues -
Are there signs
that your relationship is in Trouble?
Look for the Relationship Warning Signs
in general can have some ups and downs. Research has shown that there are
four indicators that can show if the relationship is at risk of ending. The
following four behavior patterns can indicate if a relationship might be in
trouble and need help to bring it back to a loving and healthy relationship.
You can create a more loving and healthier relationship one word at a time.
problem solving skills and techniques are key to
making your relationship work well and be more fulfilling overall. Our
website is here to help with over 400 pages of free information.
How often do these WINE signs happen in your relationship?
Withdrawal and avoidance -
this is when one partner shows an
unwillingness to get into or stay with important discussions. Withdrawal can be as obvious
as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as "turning off" or
"shutting down" during an argument. Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to
participate in certain discussions, with more emphasis on preventing the conversation from
happening in the first place.
is a pattern in which one partner subtly or
directly puts down the thoughts, feelings or character of the other. Sometimes such
comments, intentionally or unintentionally, lower the self-esteem of the targeted person.
Invalidation can take many forms. One partner says to the other that their feelings (for
example: sadness and frustration) are inappropriate. Invalidation hurts. It leads
naturally to covering up who you are and what you think, because it becomes just too risky
to do otherwise. People naturally cover up their innermost feelings when they believe that
they will be "put down.
Negative interpretations -
occur when one partner consistently
believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case. The
actions of one partner are interpreted negatively and unfairly. Research tells us that
people tend to see what they expect to see in others and in situations. In fact, we have a
very strong tendency toward "confirmation bias" which consist of looking for
evidence that confirms what we already think is true about a person or situation. In
distressed relationships, the partners tend to discount the positive things they see,
attributing to causes such as chance rather than to any positive characteristics of the
occurs when partners negatively respond back and
forth to each other, continually upping the ante so conditions get worse and worse.
Partners tend to say things that threaten the very lifeblood of their relationship.
Partners often try to hurt each other by hurling verbal (and sometimes physical) weapons.
When escalation includes the use of intimate knowledge as a weapon, the threat to the
future likelihood of tender moments is great. Who's going to share deep feelings if the
information may be used later when conflict is out of control in the relationship?
The bad news is that the presence of these behaviors in a relationship can
indicate that the relationship could end if they are not acknowledged and
corrected. Try the
Relationship Dynamics Scale to find out how you're doing with
these warning signs...then learn what you can do about it with the following:
The Good News
is that relationships can be saved and enriched by communication, problem
solving skills, and enrichment training.
recommend Talk to Me as a good place to start if you
would like to read about how to create a better relationship based on positive
communication. Also visit the links page for
recommendations for other qualified skills training programs including the PREP web site
that has a listing of other workshops around the world.
who is a sociologist says:
"I'm interested in the dark side of organizations : how things
-mistakes, misconduct, disaster. Research indicates
that troubles came not only from individual failures but also from
organizational failures. The end of a relationship is an example of
this, because a relationship is the smallest organization we can set-up.
From that research, I traced, using interviews, how relationships came
apart. It was a gradual transition, not a sudden break, where
one person begins leaving the relationship socially and psychologically
before the other. By the time the person being left behind realizes
something is seriously wrong, the first person is already gone in so
many ways that the relationship is difficult to save."
Recommended Reading List for Couples: