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I think I am in an abusive
relationship
Dear Positive Way
I do not think I am in a healthy relationship, my partner is a bit abusive
and I do not know what to do. I do not think we are in a positive
relationship, what should I do. What is a healthy relationship? signed
ann2006, age 18
Dear Ann2006, You
are a wise young woman to take note early on about the relationship you are
in and to ask for help. Anytime there are early signs of abuse in a
relationship it means things will get much worse over time. The best
thing for you to do is to get out of the relationship. End it now no
matter how much the other person pleads or begs you to stay. If you
haven't already you should also share your concerns about this relationship
with a trusted adult, like a parent, a teacher, a counselor, a pastor, or
someone older than you that can help out if needed. You cannot make
another person happy. You can only help yourself and create your own
happiness and you are not responsible for anyone else's life only yours.
We have great articles on building
self-esteem that I feel can help give you more confidence in handling
this matter and that will help you choose better relationships. Work
on building your self esteem so you won't draw abusive partners your way.
Abusive partners tend to know who is weaker than themselves and they zoom in
on those that they can control. If necessary seek out professional
counseling that can help you build yourself up and be more alert to abusive
behavior long before you get too involved.
A healthy relationship
consist of the following:
*Respect and support for each other
*Encouragement for each person to grow and do what they want to do in life
*Open communication - where you can talk about anything without criticizing
and judging each other.
*No name calling, putdowns, or character assassination.
*No controlling the other person. Let them be them and have their
friends and dress they way they want to dress etc.
We have some great articles
that I feel you will find of value. Please read
Does Love Have to Hurt , Five Myths that will kill
any relationship, and Expressing and
Understanding Love.
Ann2006, the best advice I
can give you is to get out of the relationship now and make an older adult
aware of your situation so they can be there for you if needed. Once abuse
shows up in a relationship, statistics show that the abuse gets worse not
better over time. Get out now.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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