Dear Positive Way:
I would like to know how to get those loving feelings back..there has been
allot of hurt and let down and I don't feel very loved and in return I don't
know how to love back especially in the bedroom........I need the love all
the time just not there.....he wants it in the bedroom and that's
all........How can I get those feelings back???????????? Thank you. Signed
Evelyn age 37
Dear Evelyn: Thank
you for your email. I understand your need for love all the time not just
in the bedroom. It is so difficult to feel loving toward a mate when we
have been hurt and don't feel loved. Here are some things I would like for
you to consider.
1. It is impossible to rekindle romance until you have forgiven your
offender and then forgiven your self. Please see our article on
Forgiveness . There are some suggestions on how
you can begin the forgiveness process. Forgiveness does not happen
overnight and can take some time to get beyond the hurt. Give yourself
permission to work the process.
2. Get your mate the book "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kriedman and you
get the book
"Light His Fire" by Ellen Kriedman. These books are on our recommended
reading list and the information can make a positive difference in any
3. Check out our article on Rekindling Romance .
There are some good suggestion on how to freshen the relationship.
4. Set an appointment time with your mate at his convenience. Make sure no
one else is around. Turn off the radio, TV and anything that could be a
distraction. Let him know how you are hurting and don't feel loved. Tell
him what he can do to make you feel loved. Don't expect him to know what to
do. Men need to be told in detail on what to say, and how to say it and
what to do. Give him all the direction he needs to fulfill your needs.
Don't point the finger or criticize him. Just talk about your feelings and
what you want and need to change. See Expressing and
owning Your Feelings . Read this before you have your appointment.
Also read our article How to Love Your Mate. I
feel these articles can help you with your discussion.
Evelyn, I wish you the very best. Please honor yourself enough to let your
mate know your needs and then tell him how he can fill them.
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.