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I don't think my boyfriend...

I need love all the time not just in the bedroom!

Dear Positive Way: I would like to know how to get those loving feelings back..there has been allot of hurt and let down and I don't feel very loved and in return I don't know how to love back  especially in the bedroom........I need the love all the time just not there.....he wants it in the bedroom and that's all........How can I get those feelings back????????????  Thank you. Signed Evelyn age 37

Dear Evelyn: Thank you for your email.  I understand your need for love all the time not just in the bedroom.  It is so difficult to feel loving toward a mate when we have been hurt and don't feel loved.  Here are some things I would like for you to consider.

1. It is impossible to rekindle romance until you have forgiven your offender and then forgiven your self.  Please see our article on Forgiveness . There are some suggestions on how you can begin the forgiveness process.  Forgiveness does not happen overnight and can take some time to get beyond the hurt.  Give yourself permission to work the process.

2.  Get your mate the book "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kriedman and you get the book

 "Light His Fire" by Ellen Kriedman.  These books are on our recommended reading list and the information can make a positive difference in any relationship.

3.  Check out our article on Rekindling Romance . There are some good suggestion on how to freshen the relationship.

4.  Set an appointment time with your mate at his convenience.  Make sure no one else is around.  Turn off the radio, TV and anything that could be a distraction.  Let him know how you are hurting and don't feel loved.  Tell him what he can do to make you feel loved.  Don't expect him to know what to do.  Men need to be told in detail on what to say, and how to say it and
what to do.  Give him all the direction he needs to fulfill your needs. Don't point the finger or criticize him.  Just talk about your feelings and what you want and need to change.  See Expressing and owning Your Feelings .  Read this before you have your appointment.  Also read our article  How to Love Your Mate.  I feel these articles can help you with your discussion.

Evelyn, I wish you the very best.  Please honor yourself enough to let your mate know your needs and then tell him how he can fill them.

 

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.

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