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I have a fear of being hurt
Dear Positive Way, I'll get to the point I'm 28 and been dating a
41yr old man for 2yrs I really love him he has always respect me and my
feelings. So the problem is I let my fear of being hurt by him control my
reactions sometimes and I feel insecure sometimes so I don't know if this is
normal in a relationship or is this a sign of a unhealthy relationship help
me! Signed, Wanting.
Dear Wanting, Thank you for your email. I can understand that your
fear of being hurt could control your reactions. Some insecurity is normal
in any new relationship. However you mentioned you've been together 2 years
and I am concerned if you are continuing to feel insecure within the
relationship. Here are some things I would like you to consider doing:
1. If you haven't already done so, please take the
Relationship Dynamics Scale. Check your score. If you score in the
yellow or red light area then there needs to be some caution before making
any permanent plans.
2. Also read the WINE signs and the advice given.
When all four of these signs exist there is a need for change.
3. Please take the Compatibility Guide and
compare scores. This allows for open discussion on any obvious differences
that might show up.
4. Have you been able to share your honest feelings with this man without
repercussions? Have you discussed what values, morals and principles you
both have? Have you discussed money issues, children and what role each of
you will play in a long-term relationship? For a lasting loving relationship
it is important to share the same morals, principles and values. You can be
different in many other ways that won't harm the relationship.
Questions I have: Has the man you've been dating been married before? If so
how many times? If so what does he state to be the cause of the divorce? Are
there any children involved in his past or yours? Have the two of you ever
broken up before over the past 2 years? Is there any drug or alcohol abuse?
After you have considered the above and completed the evaluations please
write me again with the results and questions answered. I feel with more
information I could be more helpful in providing sound advice.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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