| I feel betrayed.
Dear Positive Way, I have confided in a
friend about some personal issues. She has been there for me for the past 2
years. I feel lately that when I tell her what is on my mind, she never
acknowledges my feelings. Now to give you a background she has become
friends with the person I have been speaking to her about. I never knew
they had got to know each other. I feel she is there for me, however
because she doesn't make effort to meet or responds this way through email I
am not sure what to think. I feel as though I am talking to myself and feel
betrayed, however am unsure if i should confront it or let it go. signed,
betrayed, age 43
Dear betrayed: Here are some
things to consider concerning friendships and what to expect from them:
1. It is never fair to a friendship to put
someone in the middle of a conflict. If this friend now knows the person
you have been talking about then it is time to stop confiding in this
person about the other person. Your friend has probably got divided
loyalties now and it is very unfair of you to expect them to listen or
respond to anything concerning the other person.
2. Friends are not therapist and sometimes
when we confide in a friend for so long they get worn down and will start
to withdraw from the friendship. It can be too much for a friend to
handle over a long period of time.
3. Find a therapist or someone that doesn't
know these other two people and talk to them. Make the decision to not
treat your friends like therapist especially if they know all of the
parties involved.
4. Instead of confronting this friend why
not send a letter or email of apology and tell them you are sorry you put
them in a uncomfortable position and that you respect them and appreciate
their friendship. Don't ask them to choose sides or to talk about the
other person.
Seek out a non bias therapist or counselor
that can help you work through your personal issues and keep your
friendships as friends and not therapist.
Please understand you
have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal
growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy
or professional counseling. We wish you well. |
