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Dear Positive Way:
I really need positive solutions in my marriage, as it is really falling
apart, and I fear that my husband doesn't love me any more, or perhaps is
getting involved with someone else. Please help me. Also sign me up for
your newsletter. Signed, Lonely and Afraid.
Dear Lonely and Afraid:
I really feel for you. It's really tough to be in the situation that you
are facing.
It's really good that you are taking action. The bad news is that over 50%
of marriages end with a break up today. The good news is that you CAN do
something about it.
It's natural to feel really close and that there are no problems when you
first get together with someone. It's also natural to later to start to
feel like it's not perfect any more and to start growing apart. This happens
to everyone to some degree or another at some time in their relationship.
The keys that we at The Positive Way see for getting through that distress
to create a deeper long-lasting loving relationship include the following:
1. Be committed to each other and the relationship. Be willing to work
through the problems and stick together.
2. Work as a team. Know that you are in this together. The question is
not "What can YOU do to make me happy or fix the relationship?" The
question is, "What can WE do together to work through this?" When you ask
the WE question, you are inviting a joint solution like a team.
3. Learn how to communicate and solve problems together even when you are
stressed out. You have never been taught or shown how to communicate in a
loving relationship....no one is unless they somehow read many books or
attended classes. Don't beat yourself up over it; just make a choice to
learn how.
Here are a few things that you could do:
1. Cruise our website and read the pages on
communication. Some of the tips and links from this page may help you
Also take a look at the section on "Relationships
for Lovers". Try the relationship
quizzes . These may help you understand the situation a bit better.
2. Consider getting a copy of our book "Talk to Me:
How to Create Positive Loving Communication." It will help you learn
how to create new love one word at a time. It's easy to read and people
tell us it is very helpful.
3. Find a communication and relationship skills training course in your
area. I highly recommend the PREP type courses! You can find out who is
teaching them in your area by surfing through our
links page to the PREP directory. If there isn't a PREP type course in
your area, you can try the Smart Marriages or ACME links for other training
courses. OR talk to priests or ministers in your area and ask them what
pre-marital or marital skills training they know of.
You have some choices. They may be difficult to some degree but at least
you have options. I highly recommend learning how to
communicate and solve problems. It can help you for the rest of you
life.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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