Communication is Key
What you think and speak
Body Language Speaks
Love and Money
E-books - get them today!
The Positive Way Profile
Pain and Drug Recovery
Books & Information
Priceless Life Lessons
How to Fight Fair and Help Your Relationship Even in Conflict
No matter what we call itconflict, fighting,
arguing, quarreling or disagreeing!-- google_ad_section_end -->--most families need more honest resolution of conflict
and less suppression of feelings. This can be accomplished in a fair and positive way by
following these nine guidelines.
Dont call names, use sarcasm or belittle your mate.
Never put each other down -- know that to hurt ones partner is to hurt oneself. If
you relapse into harsh words then immediately apologize.
Keep the problem the problem.
Do not personalize it. Attack the problem not
the person. Maintain ownership of your part of the disagreement. Use "I" or
"we" statements instead of "you" statements.
Stay on one subject.
If the fight is about a mother-in-law, then stay on that
subject until there is some kind of resolution. Dont bring in other problems like
money, drinking, etc. Handle one problem at a time.
Use time-outs as needed.
If tempers are flaring and you find yourself losing
control put the argument on "hold" or call a "time-out" and agree to
meet back at a specific time when things have calmed down a little. It may help to do some
physical activity like walking around the block or taking a shower to calm tempers.
Listen for understanding.
Make a real effort to try and understand each
other. Remember all of us want to be listened to. We want and need to feel that what we
have to say is important and that our thoughts and opinions are of value.
Dont mind read your partner
by assuming that you know what they are
thinking or feeling. Always ask your partner what they think and feel because feelings and
thoughts change over time.
Try to see things from your partners point of view
as if you were
walking in their shoes with their feelings and background. It doesnt mean you have
to agree with them. When you validate your partners feelings by acknowledging
his/her viewpoint you open the door for the same in return and then both of you will be
more willing to solve the problems together.
Seek to solve the problem.
Work as a team. Dont bring in others
(family, friends, etc.) to gang up on your partner. Use this phrase during an argument:
"What can we do together to solve this problem? I am willing to do the
" Then state what you are willing to do and then do it.
Forgive and accept each other.
Truth can be spoken in love, when partners are
bound together in forgiveness. We all need and want forgiveness. Remember the disagreement
belongs to both of you.
Work on your own self-esteem. The better you feel the more love you can
give and receive.
You will also find the Four Warning Signs for Relationships
to be interesting and valuable. Check them out. See
Fighting Fair Evalualtion Guide for evaluating
you and your partner.
Filters and what to do about them
Words do hurt. They can be the life or death of a
relationship. Learn to replace hurtful words with words that build and strengthen the
relationship. Tell each other how much you care. Praise and compliment your mate often.
Give each other a sense of personal worth by speaking and acting
Check out our Quizzes
and learn more about yourself and your relationship.
Note: Unresolved conflicts may shatter a marriage.
Please donít hesitate to seek outside help from people who can be objective.
These people may be therapist, pastors or counselors.