How do I rebuild this
friendship?
Dear Positive Way, I have a friend/colleague who has helped me
through a traumatic experience, however in that process I was unable to be a
good friend/colleague to them. As a result, I have hurt them and they have
hurt me as well. In trying to let the person know that "they do not realize
how much they have hurt me", I feel that statement has made them shut me
out. I feel the person has done a lot for me and probably doesn't
understand how they could hurt me.
I feel I need to respect their feeling by giving them space and respecting
things they have told me in the past to show that I am a different person
and that was then. My question is "how do I rebuild this friendship if the
person does not wish to communicate"? signed, 786000, age 43
Dear 78600, So many friendships are
destroyed because the people involved would rather be "right" than be happy
and salvage the friendship. Here is my advice for you to consider.
1. Write an apology letter to this
friend/colleague. Only put in the letter your apology and make no
mention of how they have hurt you. Own the wrong that you have done
and make no excuses for it. Just apologize and ask for their
forgiveness.
2. Mail this letter with no return
address so they will be more inclined to open it.
3. Expect nothing in return.
The goal is to own you part of the hurt caused and don't ask for anything
else in return other than their forgiveness.
We have a great article on
Forgive and go Free that you may find helpful.
Also when and if you do get to talk to this person after they receive the
letter and they open up communication then we have a great article that can
help you Express and Own Your Feelings.
Remember you are only responsible for
yourself and your actions, You cannot control or force someone to respond if
they don't wish too. Write a sincere apology, mail it and then move
forward with no expectations and observe what happens over time. If
the recipient has a forgiving heart and an open mind they may respond in
kind as long as your letter does not point any finger at them in anyway.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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