Five myths that will kill any
Music, movies, friends and fairy tales teach us
how to love but they teach us the wrong thing. Accepting such lessons without
question is dangerous to the health of your relationships. Here are five myths
that can kill any love relationship. You'll be wise to avoid them.
- Love is enough.
- There is nothing to learn.
- If you love me, you'll _______.
- My mate will change.
- I'll do my half.
1. Love is enough:
This is a lie. Love isn't enough to hold you together. You need to be able to
communicate, understand each other, and solve problems together. There will be
no happily-ever-after when all you do is to ride off into the sunset together.
What the movies and the romance novels really don't tell you is that on the
other side of that sunset, the next day, life together begins. And life brings
with it challenges. At the very least, you now have to find out how to share the
same house, the same room, the same bed, and the same money. In addition, you
now have new friends, relatives, and strangers to deal with. It's no longer the
dating scene. You don't go home at the end of the day, weekend, or whatever. You
are now both home. Those charming things you like about each other are now with
you all the time. There is no escape.
Closeness brings intimacy but it also brings a
need to change and adapt. Change is difficult. You can tolerate only so much
change without being affected. So getting married is a major change. The rules
are different now. You can't even insulate yourself from these problems by
living together first. In fact, studies show that living together before
marriage is an indicator for a higher chance of divorce.
Even though you can't avoid problems, you can
prevent their damage. What you can do is to create a safe environment at home
where you can talk with each other. When you can talk without fear of criticism,
anger, or any other lack of support, you can talk about anything. When you can
talk as true partners on the same team, you can solve problems. As difficult as
this is, once you have accomplished the task, you can use it forever. The book
"Talk to Me: How to Create Positive Loving Communication" can help you
create that safe environment so your love can prosper.
2. There is nothing to learn.
Since love is not enough and you were probably not taught how to communicate and
solve problems, it's time to learn. Even couples who have come from the best of
homes probably never saw their parents solve problems. Parents rarely are able
to teach their children the skills for handling difficult times and the skills
for keeping love alive. There are skills to keeping romance from dwindling even
when the children are crying and the job is a bore.
As you grow through life, you
will change. Your partner will change.
Your relationship will
change. If you stay open to accepting change, you can grow from it rather than
resisting it. It seems as though we pass through phases as individuals on about
a five-year cycle. We are constantly alive. Learning who you are and who your
partner is can be a wonderful experience. Just remember that it doesn't stop
when you think you have learned everything from the past. You have the present
and the future to look forward to.
Some of the key skills for marriages include:
handling money issues, communication, creating ground rules to keep the home safe from damaging
conflict, handling conflict, solving problems, handling anger, building
self-esteem, understanding and supporting your partner, decision making,
compromise, and keeping romance alive.
Just being aware that there is so much to learn
is powerful. Taking action will allow you to reap the fruit. This website, and
books, and the links are designed to help you learn. Good luck.
Learning how to practice the art of loving will
help you keep your love alive.