Ripped Off

My husband and I keep our income separate and split bills, kids needs, things to do with the home.  This was not by my choice husband wanted it that way.  So I had bought a sofa (we briefly talked about it before hand) and expected my husband to pay for half of the bill.  He will not.  How do we come up with a solution to situations like this?  We both feel like we are being ripped off and it is causing major problems.  Thanks.  Signed, oasis69 

Dear oasis69,

The good news is that you are young the bad news is that you have at least one child so you really should focus on creating a strong marriage so you have a healthy and happy home for the child.  Here are some things to consider.

1. It matters more how you talk about money and other key life and relationship matters than whether or not you have joint accounts.  Some people do consider separate accounts to be related to trust but that may not be true.
2. Briefly talking about something is not the same as reaching an agreement.  You can only know that you have reached an agreement when you both say so.  Saying “I agree,” is acceptable but walking away is not.
3. It takes work and time to find your places in a relationship.  A woman might want to buy an expensive purse to prove that she is still independent and a young man might still think that new rims for the car are a far better investment than furniture.  Neither is wrong nor right.  A young couple – any new couple really no matter what age – has to learn what they both value and reach an accommodation about what they will do with their hard earned money.
4. Most happy couples create their own set of ground rules when it comes to spending money.  It sounds like you’ve started to do that but could benefit from putting some more detail into it.  What decisions should always be made jointly, for example.  Another key thing is how you will build your joint safety net, children’s college funds, retirement funds, vacation funds and the like.
5. It really helps to use communication techniques and tools to set up a pattern of talking that works for you both.  Try reading some of the articles on communication (link) on The Positive Way site to find the tools that you think will work for the two of you.
6. Remember that it’s not about the couch, its not about the money; its about the two of you and your family.  That should be worth working for.  As the woman, you have the opportunity to lead and teach the both of you how to create a great relationship.
7. If you need more money read these articles and if you need to save money read these.
8. You want to talk enough that you feel like partners who love and trust each other always…never ripped off.

 

Remember that you have free will and you should get professional advice whenever you need it.  These are just some options to think about.  We wish you the best.