Dear Positive Way Money Experts, I am in a relationship and we are having big problems with money. He makes much more then me and thinks that I am worth nothing because of it. He tells me that I am a loser and that I can not handle money well which is somewhat true but I need help with my problem and also how do I make him respect me . Even if I change my problem I am still not going to make as much as him.  Signed, 412003 age 19.

Dear 412003, it is unfortunate that you are having issues but there are a number of things that you can consider to create a better life for yourself.  Money troubles are the cause of a great many divorces so you are wise to solve them completely before getting married.

1.      Positive relationships are built on mutual support; not criticism.  Your boyfriend calling you “loser” is extremely negative and may tell more about him than you.  You should not accept that type of emotional abuse.  It’s time for you to put a stop to that type of treatment before it escalates into something worse.  You teach people how to treat you so you can teach him how to treat you better.  Read the communication technique at this link.  You can then use a statement such as, “When you call me a loser I feel that you do not respect me as a loving partner.  Do you think that little of me?”  His answer will give you valuable information on whether or not you should continue to invest in this relationship or find someone who can respect you.  Also read the other communication articles found on this directory page.

A person who defines who they are in terms of how much money they make is missing out on the really important things in life.  Money is not happiness.

2.      Please read the material on self-esteem to help build your sense of self-worth and confidence.  See our recommended reading list available in the libraries and at Amazon.  This will give you a greater ability to take charge of your life and get more out if life and the people you choose to associate with.  You should measure yourself in terms of how good a person you are rather than the income you make and the stuff you buy.

3.      If you would like to improve your money habits, read all the articles on the site and don’t miss being financially responsible, money saving ideas, and seven quick steps to financial freedom.  You can learn to handle money well.  It is a skill.  You can change the way you use money by changing your attitude.  Make it work for you by being responsible in your spending and your savings.  Read the article More Cash Now and commit to yourself that you will do the work necessary to increase your income.  Your youth is working for you.  The world is ahead of you and if you are willing to set some really big goals and do the work you can achieve them.

You have a lot going for you beyond your youth.  You have already demonstrated a willingness and ability to change your behaviors for the better.  Work on your self-esteem and make decisions about how you will allow people to treat you, who you will allow into your life and how you will manage your money to achieve your financial goals.  You are worth the effort.

We wish you the best.

The Positive Way – Financial Freedom Consultant

Please remember that you are in control of your life.  None of this information should ever be considered a substitute for medical, financial or legal advice.