Communication and Sex
 

Dear Positive Way, my girlfriend and i have been together for about three years now. It's been a rollercoaster, for the past two months we haven't been intimate told her that i wanted to have sex she said ok just make it fast................and she wouldn't let me so we didn't have sex cuz i got mad. She said that she was sorry, and i said that i understand, but i really don't.  Soooo can you please help me understand something. what goes through my head is that she may possible be with someone else. signed, meja64, age 35

Dear Meja64, This is about a lack of communication rather than a sex problem.  Many women do have a problem with having sex often due to their own feelings about their bodies and self-esteem.  You mentioned it has been a rollercoaster for the past two months.  What has happened in the last two months to cause this change?  Have you been fighting often?  Here are a couple of things for your to consider:

1.  Never assume anything.  You must have a talk with your girlfriend and ask her about what her feelings are in general about you and your relationship.  Give her the freedom to speak freely without intimidation or showing that it hurts your feelings to hear the truth.  You need to hear the truth about what is really going on so you can work on fixing the problem.  I can promise you the problem has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting to have sex with you.  It has to do with how she is feeling within the relationship itself. Give her a real chance of talking about how she is feeling without repercussions from you.  When a partner pouts or gets mad because they don't get their way, that reflects child like behavior and that can be a real turn off in a relationship.

2.  Women fall in love through their ears.  What they hear is what turns them on so to speak.  Have you verbally abused her in anyway?  Do you put her down or call her names when you do disagree on things?  Are you respectful of her and her feelings?  If she feels you really don't appreciate or understand her then she will withdraw from sex.  It is a symptom of a relationship communication problem overall.

Please read the following articles on our website.  Express and Own Your Feelings, Does Love Have to Hurt, and How to Love Your Mate.  Go for understanding and seeing things from your partner's point of view without judging them or shaming them in anyway.  Have an honest and open conversation with your girlfriend and really listen to what she says and then take positive actions from there.

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.