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Winning people and winning organizations are those that listen to and understand the people in their lives. Effective communications are the life-blood of good relationships with anyone: investors, business associates, customers, friends, and families. This article presents five characteristics of winning communicators. If you are a poor communicator, your boss or your best friend may tell you, but, all too often, people vote with their feet instead. You are invited to take the "Business Listening Skills Evaluation" on page 3 to get a better view for how you stand.
Use the following five characteristics of winning communicators to create positive, winning relationships at home and at work.
Listen for understanding. That's the whole point after all. A conversation is not an opportunity for you to make your point and run. Its purpose is the exchange of information and of ideas that can only come when you understand what is being said. You speak at about 150 words per minute and think at about 600 words per minute. The tendency is to use the extra thinking power to prepare a rebuttal or what you are going to say next. That means that you are probably missing out on much of what is being said. You may think it efficient to attempt to focus on both but the resulting misunderstandings can take far more time. Instead, focus on the speaker and practice active listening techniques. For example, when you can do so without rudely interrupting, paraphrase what you think you have heard and ask if it is correct. Ask questions for clarification if you miss a point. You may even have to ask the speaker to slow down to give you a chance to check back to ensure you have understood. You don't have to agree with the speaker, just understand. Once you have understanding, you will have the opportunity to give your views on the subject. Ask the listener if they are following what you have to say unless it is obvious by their feedback or reaction that they do. Questions such as "I think we have agreed to do… Is that your understanding as well?" will give you a chance to make sure you have both understood. When you understand, you can make better decisions. Appreciate the speaker. Winners make sure that others know they care about them. A basic fact of life is that we want to be appreciated for who we are. Active listening is a good way to demonstrate that you care about what the speaker has to say…that you respect and appreciate them. Be courteous with your words and behavior. Let them know that you respect them enough to listen even if you don't agree. Don’t put them down with your words or tone. Be polite and don't rudely interrupt. Give good eye contact. Keep an open body posture. And, no matter what, don't do something else while they are talking unless you are eating a meal together and then it's okay to continue eating as long as you keep eye contact. People who think they can review papers, open mail, check their messages, or the like are sending a very powerful message that the speaker just isn't important enough to listen to. You will be seen as a winner when people know you appreciate them and what they have to say. Check your motives before you speak. Especially when there is a lot of stress or emotions are running high, the temptation is to shoot from the hip with whatever comes to mind. Sometimes this leads to negative or caustic comments that only serve to fan the fire of conflict or wound those present. Winners check their motives before they open their mouths. If the remark is demeaning, critical, negative, self-serving, or otherwise unproductive, they will hold the remark and formulate something different to say. Don't say anything unproductive unless that is consistent with your overall motive. And if you find that your motives are negative, it's probably time to take a time-out and reassess the situation. The mark of a winning communicator is that they will skip the quick retort and give a productive response instead. Be consistently honest. People have a sixth sense about the character of others. Winners always walk their talk. Any inconsistency between what you say and what you do will be spotted and will become a measure of who you are. Others will have a difficult time talking and listening to you if there are questions about your honesty. The words of liars fall on deaf ears. If you make a mistake or there are misunderstandings, make corrections and clarifications promptly. Character is built. Respect is earned. Speak and listen with a positive attitude. People talking to winners know that they are going to be heard with an open mind and won't be cut down or otherwise criticized. Losers make no bones about letting people know how stupid they are or how what they're saying makes no sense. Winners open the door for a win-win solution even to the most difficult problems while losers slam the door on all but their own positions and opinions. The positive attitude says, "We can do it. We can both win." and winners keep on winning. SUMMARY: Winners convert problems into opportunities and opportunities into victories. People come away from conversations with winners feeling like they have just had a winning experience. They feel understood, respected, and appreciated. They are on the team and eager to be a team player. Winners have a positive influence on all of the people around them. As a manager, you are wise to foster wining communication skills with your entire team and you are even wiser to set an excellent example to follow. Winners take the time to continuously improve. Don't accept passive-aggressive behavior. See our resources on business body language - the often silent part of communication that can say more than words. Steven C. Martin
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