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Dear Positive Way:
Well, I am a student living with my boyfriend. I was doing fine financially
until moving in with him. Now I am jobless and we are living with his
parents. I am graduating soon with my bachelors degree, but it seems that
without leaving this small town, that there aren't any jobs. So, I have
applied to grad school so I can get a better degree. My boyfriend on the
other hand is working at a local copy time store. He's 27 and I'm 22. He
was in the Army for four years and other than that has little vocational or
educational training. I am starting to think that he's not interested in
going to school or bettering himself in that way. He also had a vasectomy a
while back and is not sure he wants kids, whereas I someday do. I'm
starting to think that we are not as matched as we thought we were. any
advice would be appreciated. Signed, Doubtful
Dear Doubtful:
Thank you for your email. I think you are on the right track as far as
questioning whether you are matched well. Here are some points I would like
for you to consider:
1. A lasting loving relationship is possible when you both have the same
principles, values and morals. You can be different in many other ways but
what counts in the long term is sharing the same morals, principles and
values.
2. You want children. This will
become an important issue for you in the future. Don't spend your life with
someone who does not want children.
3. Become independent as soon as possible. Work anywhere and earn your own
money and pay your own way. You don't want to be stuck in a situation just
because you can't afford to leave.
4. You can only change yourself. You cannot change another person. Each
one of us must find our own way in life in our own style. It doesn't mean
one way is right and one is wrong. They are just different. Each person is
responsible for themselves and their decisions. No one can make you feel or
think a certain way. You are 100 percent in control of your feelings and
thoughts.
We meet many people over a lifetime. Some are meant to be in our lives for
a few days, some a few months and some a few years. Each person that comes
into your life is there to help you with the lessons you need to learn.
Learn from them and then move on if necessary. You are learning that maybe
this man is not your ideal mate. Trust your instincts. Breaking up is hard
to do as the song goes but it will be much less painful if done sooner than
later.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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