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Abusive boyfriend but I love him
Dear Positive Way,
At this moment I'm feeling very upset at myself. I'm having relationship
problems with my boyfriend. I can't talk to him cause when he gets mad he
gets abusive and I can't leave him cause I'm in a stage where I love him and
I don't care what he does to me. I've said things that I shouldn't have said
to him. I want to know what can I do to make this relationship work. We
fight too much over ridiculous stuff. He's at me cause I've hurt emotionally
but he's hurt me physically. He only sees his point even though it's true
but he doesn't see what he does. He's very in denial about us and himself.
I've tired telling him to quit smoking but he things it's his of getting
place in life. Please help. What can I do? signed, Nessie, age 18
Dear Nessie, You are the one that is in denial!
Love does not hurt. Please read our article on
Does love have to hurt and the Five Myths of Love
. There is never a good reason for physically abusing someone no matter how
much that person has been hurt emotionally. Physical abuse is a sign
of much deeper seated problems on your boyfriend's part and you need to wake
up and take notice. You are in denial over all of this and it is only
going to get worse. You cannot change or fix another person.
Please read our articles Get off the Merry Go Round
and Change and Grow . Here are some things for you
to consider.
1. If you had a
higher level of self-esteem you would not tolerate any type of physical
abuse. With that said, you can start working on your self-esteem so
you can become stronger and more capable of setting boundaries for yourself
and your relationships. Please read our articles on
self-esteem.
2. What are you doing to hurt him
emotionally? Why would you consciously hurt anyone emotionally?
We cannot control someone else's feelings. You can't prevent your
boyfriend from feeling hurt. He is 100 percent responsible for how he
feels and he reacts. You are 100 percent responsible for how you feel
and you act.
3. When a relationship early on has
any type of abuse statistics show it will only get worse not better over
time without serious professional counseling. You could ask your
minister, doctor, or social services for a referral along this line.
My advice is to get out of the relationship
for now and get some counseling for yourself and ask your boyfriend to get
some counseling for himself also. Love is not enough to help this
relationship. It needs professional help and advice. Please get
that as soon as possible. Don't disrespect yourself any longer by
tolerating abuse. You deserve better.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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