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I'm afraid to get a divorce and be alone.
Dear Positive
Way, I have been married for 6 years and the marriage is not good.
We really aren't compatible and our morals and principles are quite
different. We have one child age 5 and I am afraid of being a single
parent. What should I do? singed,
Fearful, age 31
Dear Fearful, I can understand
your fear of divorcing and being alone. Many people stay in bad
relationships because they are afraid of the unknown and afraid of being
alone. Here are some things for you to consider:
1. If you feel there is no real
chance of being happy in your current relationship and you feel you have
given it your best effort then there are some things to do that can help you
prepare for your future as a single parent. First and foremost work on
your self-esteem. Any breakup whether you
want it or not can take a toll on the self-esteem. Please read our
many articles on self-esteem and take the
action suggested.
2. Have a heart to heart talk with
your mate. Say all that needs to be said. Own your part of why
the relationship is not working. Make a commitment to your partner to
work together as parents of your child and to put aside any issues you have
with each other. You can still be good parents to your child without
being married to each other. Read the article we have on
Hidden issues and expectations as well as the
Change and Grow article.
3. Never bad mouth or put down your partner
to your child in anyway. That will hurt the child in the long run and
it will also hurt your relationship with that child in the future.
Don't try to make your child choose sides. Don't force them into a
loyalty battle where they feel sorry for one over the other.
4. Read the book Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends by Dr.
Bruce Fisher and our article on Rebuilding after divorce
and the Aftermath of Divorce and
Loneliness.
Divorce is never easy no matter what the
situation is. Be prepared for upheaval and emotions coming to the
surface that may not have shown themselves earlier in the relationship.
When things do happen that may cause a lot of hurt and anguish study our
article on Forgiveness and practice that early
on. A Divorce is like a death in the family and the range of motions
that usually appear are anger, hurt, frustration, regret, depression, and
denial to name a few. They are all normal and part of the grieving
process which includes loss of a marriage. Don't hesitate to get
professional counseling when needed. You could get a referral from
your minister, doctor, or social services in your area.
Don't pursue another relationship until you
are truly divorced and happier as an individual. The happier and more
content you are with yourself the easier it will be to draw a like
minded person your way. Try not to dwell on the past. Move
forward without beating yourself up for a failed marriage. You are not
alone in this matter and there is life after divorce. Keep a positive
attitude and work on being the best person you can be. We have many
articles on our website that can help you along the way. Please take
some time to read as many as you feel are pertinent to your situation.
See our front page at
www.positive-way.com for a list of thought provoking articles and action
oriented advice. We wish you well.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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