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Dear Positive Way:
I am a woman, about to be married for the first time in my first
relationship and my fiancée has a 5 year old daughter who is spoiled and a
brat. I don't like her, but she's just a kid. He wants to spend ALL his
spare time with her, and there is no time for me. He NEVER tells me he's
bringing her home with him and there is no set schedule. he gets her
whenever he wants. I am afraid there will no time for me, worse yet, no
time for the child we want to have as soon as we are married. Then there
will be even less time for me.
I have moved from Georgia to Montana and I have no friends and no family and
I am even thinking of ending the relationship (only out of frustration)
because he spends more time with her than with me.
Another thing, He ALWAYS fights with me when she's over. It never fails.
Her presence always starts a fight.
Please help or send me info where I can get it. This is my first love, I
have move from the place I was born and raised just to be with him and I
want this to work. Signed Francine, age 25
Dear Francine:
Thank you for your email. You are in a tough position and I am afraid it
won't get better unless you seek outside help. I can understand you feeling
alone and not cared for. Here are a couple of things I would like for you to
consider:
1. Don't marry this man until all of these issues are resolved. This will
take help from a professional counselor. Your family Doctor or minister
could give you a referral.
2. If you marry without resolving this issue, things will only get worse
not better. And having a baby of your own will not solve the problem.
3. Stepfamilies have at least a 65% divorce rate because of issues over the
children. It is not the children that are the problem it is the way the
biological parent handles the children with the new stepfamily can causes
problems.
4. Talk frankly and openly with your fiancée. Let him know how you feel
and what your concerns are. Suggest strongly that the two of you get some
outside help to help you resolve the issue to where it is a win win for
you, your fiancée and the child.
Francine, I wish there was an easier way to handle this problem but there
isn't. It will get much worse unless you take positive action to get some
professional help. I wish you all the best. Please read our articles
on Stepfamilies.
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Please understand
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.
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