Dear Positive Way:
I need advise on how to feel better about myself. I feel very bad about
myself, I feel very, very ugly, not attractive, not educated, stupid, boring
etc. Whenever I'm together with people I'm always worried about what they
think of me, and that I'm doing something wrong. I never had a relationship
with a man. I feel I'm not good looking enough for a man and that no one can
love. But really I don't want to stay always alone. I'm longing for loving
relationship but feel its impossible because no one will ever love me.
Signed Lea, age 30
Dear Lea: Thank you for your email. It is so hard to face
the world when your feeling so down. Low self-esteem is more common than
you can imagine and believe it or not those people that you are worried
about and what they think of you are having the same concerns of
themselves. They are not focused on you but on how you see them also. Here
are a few things I would like for you to
1. The majority of our self-esteem is formed by age 8. If you were raised
with parents (caretakers) that had low self-esteem they were not able to
teach you what they don't have. It is impossible to give something that you
don't have your self. Your low feelings are from childhood. You were never
taught how to develop positive self-esteem.
2. Positive self-esteem can be learned. One way to start is with very
small accomplishments. Set your self some very small goals. Goals that are
obtainable. Then achieve those goals. For example one way you could feel
better about your looks is to start wearing only the primary colors. Those
are Blue, Chinese Blue, Pink, Hot Pink, Purple, Lemon Yellow, and pure chalk
white with contrasting black. Research has shown that people who wear
bright colors are automatically more attractive to others. Try it. It
3. I want you to change your thoughts and words. You are creating your own
reality with your words. When you think you are stupid, boring and ugly you
will actually prove it through others by your actions. Choose your words
carefully. Please see our article Change and Grow .
4. Set yourself a small goal of not thinking or saying anything negative
about yourself for at least 4 hours. If you slip rephrase your statement
into something positive. For example if you say "I'm so stupid" rephrase it
and say "I am learning from my mistakes." If you say "I'm so boring" say "I
am reading more and listening to self-help books so I can become more
interesting". Then of course I want you to read or listen to self-help
books. Any kind will do. Find one appropriate to your situation and read
it. If you want some recommendations please let me know.
5. Research shows you must read a book or listen to it 6 times within 30
days to get all the information. Repetition is the key. Please try this as
soon as possible.
6. You are a lovable human being. Learn to love yourself and then others
will love you. Like attracts like. The more you learn to like & love you
the more someone will like and love you.
Lea, if you would like I will give you a free 30 minute phone consultation.
Let me know if you would be interested. If you haven't already please check
out our articles starting with Self-esteem. I wish you all the best.
you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of
personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute
for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.